The 6 Stages of Cat Affection

  1. Acceptance. The cat acknowledges you exist. It lets you pet its belly.
  2. Denial. The cat continues to exist and though you pet its belly, it refuses to acknowledge your own presence or existence, staring in any other direction but at you.
  3. Bargaining. The cat offers a few friendly bites and growls as a truce warning. Perhaps you can just stop rubbing its belly and feed it, and you shall not be suffocated in your sleep tonight.
  4. Anger. The cat bites and scratches the f*#% out of your hand. Because. Hand.
  5. Isolation. The cat wanders off to a corner of a room to admire the paint at the wall, trying to forget all other life and its associated stupidity exists.
  6. Depression. The cat sleeps and binge eats. For 3 days.

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